I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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