i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
