I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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