a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
