my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
