Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
