I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
