Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
