opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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