She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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