dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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