i think i have two assholes
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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