I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
