There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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