well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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