i may or may not be watching the land before time
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dicks are not precious.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
