i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
