Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
