Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am midnight drunk by noon
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
