Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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