why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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