Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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