If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
soo... how was my night?
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