What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
