There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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