I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
