I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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