You can't special order awesome
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
