So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
