Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
