were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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