I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
