I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
They took my balls.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
