omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
