we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
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I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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