Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
