I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
