You just made me feel so damn special
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
