Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
