I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
