Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
