he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I am one with the molecules
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
