I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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