i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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