it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
