My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize