I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
