I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
