The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
