Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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