): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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