Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The power of my boobs compel you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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