I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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