i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
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I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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