Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
