No awkward lesbian experiences without me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have surprise drugs for everyone
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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