I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
