I met the friendliest cop last night
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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