Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
