Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
