I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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