Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you never un-have a 4some
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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