I can tuck mytits in my pants
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I stole a fireplace last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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