Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
