it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
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And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We are all done wearing pants today
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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