long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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