you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
