Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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