my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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